A Fish in Your Ear

Someone I know came up with a great analogy to explain the situation we all sometimes find ourselves in where something expected of us socially seems to be known to almost everyone but us. We had absolutely no idea that it was required. This thing that is expected often seems random to us, if not ridiculous. Here’s the analogy: You have been invited to a black tie affair. You arrive appropriately dressed, invitation in hand, but you are denied entry. When you ask why you cannot enter the gatekeeper explains that you cannot come in because you do not have a fish in your ear. “Excuse me?” you ask. “You need to have a fish in your ear in order to enter.” This seems ludicrous to you. Even though it was not printed as a requirement on the invitation somehow everybody else just knew to arrive with a fish in their ear. People often act as if we are stupid, as if we should have known. But how can we know something if no one tells us? There’s a perverse type of superiority that people feel when they know about these fish in the ear requirements and you don’t. Looking down on someone because they don’t know about the fish in the ear doesn’t make someone superior. It just makes them pompous. If you’re someone who knows to put a fish in your ear, don’t be an ass about it.

Cinse Bonino
2025