Belly Up

This is the first time I have a belly. A loose belly that is. There was of course my glorious pregnancy belly of creation. Oh yeah, and the superhero belly I had when I was a small girl. You might know the kind I mean. The ones little girls use to walk belly-first into the world as if they can conquer whatever comes their way. But like I said, this one is loose. It kind of hangs. It’s not big enough to be disgusting. My older woman body is taking its sweet time getting rid of it. My older woman self is slacking on doing the things I need to do to make it go away. But I’ve discovered it’s an opportunity. To be me and not me. To be in the world in a different way. Most of the time it doesn’t matter anyway. I still goddess-walk as if my outsides match my soul. I wish I did that all the time. I’m sure some people notice my belly. That’s okay because I don’t really notice them noticing. I’m too busy noticing everything else around me. Other times when I pause and wonder if anyone is looking at my belly, probably no one is. I don’t notice my belly unless I try to wear clothes that are too tight for my belly. My belly likes to breathe. A totally reasonable desire if you ask me. The clothes fitting/not fitting thing makes me wonder… Do I notice my belly if my clothes aren’t welcoming or do I not notice my belly when I hide it? I think this kind of thinking is a belly rabbit hole. One I’m not willing to go down. Who needs that? Yes, there is the health thing but I’m not anywhere near obese. I know a few less pieces of cake and a spot more yoga would improve my belly’s posture. It’s one more thing to notice about my aging body. Unlike my crepey skin I can change it. Naturally. Maybe I’m pregnant with new possibilities. Maybe my body is a little too literal. Maybe my body is trying to get my attention. I can stomach that.

Cinse Bonino
2022