Crashes and Hums (a gentle rant)

The people in the restaurant downstairs just sang happy birthday to someone. I can hear them quite clearly when they do this. The rest of the time they are just a low hum in the background of life in my apartment, at least when the restaurant is open for business. Intensity is what usually captures our attention. We turn our heads at loud laughter. Jump at sudden unexpected noises. We spend far too much of our life on autopilot. We have brains that make it possible for us to walk down the sidewalk without paying attention. We bark our shins on a chair if we move it even slightly from its usual place. We jerk our heads up if a good friend starts to talk about something they usually don’t mention. What we notice is difference. Perhaps we should start noticing without needing to be surprised. She left him and he was surprised. Why? Because there wasn’t anything startling that happened. Things just kept going along. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe there were many, many small signs that he missed because they were small. A bunch of small things create the big things. Sometimes the small things are the big things. Notice. Don’t wait to be shocked into action. Don’t settle for things being nonthreatening. Or expected. Or certain. There are very few certainties in this life. That’s what makes it interesting. That’s what makes us human. The need to choose over and over again what we will do next. In the next breath. When we open our eyes. When we turn the corner. When we open a book. When we hear a stranger say something that intrigues us. When we witness injustice. When our whole body fills with joy or anguish for no discernible reason. When we’ve lost our sense of purpose. When we want not to care. When we care too much. It’s all life. Trying to control it is what gets us into trouble. Managing ourselves as if we are the CEOs of our lives sucks the life out of our life. Life is a gift. It’s not about money. It is about safety. It is about freedom. Sure. But mostly it’s about experiencing. Tasting. Seeing. Loving. Hoping. Crying. Screaming. Laughing. So much laughing. Don’t take yourself too seriously. But do take yourself seriously. Be here. Be you, whatever that is at any given moment. Be grateful you get to spend time in this sandbox we call life on Earth. If you can manage to be grateful you’ll end up being kind. You’ll understand all the gifts you’ve been given. That all of us have been given. You’ll stop comparing yourself and your life to others. You’ll be entertained more often than angered. You’ll understand that very little matters in a life-or-death kind of way but that every moment is life. You’ll allow yourself to not make your bed. You’ll also allow yourself to feel like throwing a party when you do. You’ll stop spending time with people who invite you to think less of yourself or more of them. You’ll forgive yourself, almost immediately. You’ll learn. You’ll be the best damn algorithm of your own preferences. You won’t believe anyone who tells you or even intimates that you’re not worthy. You’ll get that you’re not just body and mind. That you are spirt. That you are life. Act like it.

Cinse Bonino
2023