Forget? Who me? Yep.

I forget things. I always have. I know it freaks my son out because his grandmother, my mother, has dementia. He sometimes worries I might be sliding in the same direction. But as I said, I’ve alway been forgetful. I make cards for friends. Often. I make one for my mother every week. I often forget what the card I made two days ago looks like. There’s not much rhyme or reason for why I remember the ones I do remember. I am a very live-in-the-moment kind of person. The cards I make are made with great attention to the message they contain and to the particular person they are for. I remember that I wanted to make something special for someone who is important to me. I am moved to send a particular message to them. Then I forget what I sent. It may be more accurate to say I dump things after I’m done with them and not just lovers. (Sorry. Not sorry.) But seriously, done and done. With the card. With an amazing experience. With whatever. Some things I treasure deeply and always remember. Others I shove into deep storage. They only come out when I need them, whether I want them to or not. Other things are in subbasement level storage. Imagine one of those very long elevators descending down to a villain or secret government agency’s lair. These memories don’t surface until a series of other key memories are turned. This type of storage doesn’t only happen with bad memories but with wonderful ones too. People sometimes get insulted when I don’t remember the card I made for them or their name. I sometimes even forget the names of people I know well. It happens if I don’t use their name for a while. I’ll blank. I’ll remember everything about who they are to me but not their name. As a college professor I taught many, many students. I have stayed close with quite a few but I only easily remember the names of those who I am still actively close to on a fairly regular basis. It’s interesting to me that some people get insulted by these things as if they are proof that I care less about them. Actually they are simply evidence of how my brain works. We aren’t all like each other. I’m willing to help someone I love “bury the body.” I’m as loyal as they come. I also am not judgmental but I will tell you when I think you’re headed for disaster. Then I’ll bake you a cake after you fall. And bandage your knee. And not tell you “I told you so.” But I may forget your name.

Cinse Bonino
2023