little things
I looked at the deadbolt on the inside of my new apartment door and thought, “I thought I locked that…” The lock was in the horizontal position. That position means it is unlocked, at least that’s what it meant on the identical door with an identical lock in my old apartment across the hall. It took a few fiddle twists for me to understand that this deadbolt is in the locked position when it is horizontal not when it’s vertical. It’s a little thing that didn’t take too long to adjust to but that initially burped my flow. Meanwhile I am stupidly grateful that the toilet paper holder is on the same side of the toilet as it was in my old place. When I reach for the TP using my well-laid, Roman road level, neural pathway it’s right where I expect it to be. It always seems to take annoyingly long to stop reaching in what used to be the correction direction whenever I’m in a new place where the TP is not where I expect it to be.
We’re told that we shouldn’t “sweat the small stuff.” We’re also told that if we “take care of the small things the big things will take care of themselves.” Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s the big things that take us down at the knees, but small things are the pixels that make up our daily lives. When one falls out of its usual place or is switched out with a different one, we notice. It can make things feel “off”. Most of us are such creatures of habit. That sounds negative, but I don’t think it is. Habit can be a beautiful dance through our daily lives. Habit can feel like riding the flow of the ways we choose to live our lives. We have the opportunity to use it to invite ourselves to feel annoyed or fearful when things change, even the little things, or we can choose to use it as a sturdy foundation that makes us feel brave enough to be intrigued by new things, by different things. It can help us to stumble unexpectedly into little joys that start to pixelate even more of our lives.
I don’t keep a car. I walk everywhere. My shoes are kind of like my tires. They need replacing when they wear out. They wear out fairly quickly. Like I said I walk a lot. Shoes are not a big thing but they have a big impact on my life. When I can trust my shoes, when the tread and support are good, I’m free to discover new things. Sometimes a pair of shoes are amazing. They fit well and make me feel bouncy and strong. Then they don’t. Not because they wore out but because they changed as I wore them. They no longer fit what I need in my life. The shoes aren’t bad. Neither are my feet. Still, when this happens the situation needs to change. Lots of little things are like that. I don’t sweat it, but I do what needs to be done: I buy some shoes; redefine horizontal; and smile when my fingers touch the TP.
Cinse Bonino
2023
