Rinse and Try Not to Repeat

The other day a friend and I were having coffee. She told me how she has barely any self worth. She might have said value. Some people would call it self-esteem. Here’s the thing though, there are moments when my friend feels filled with self worth. I’ve witnessed it. We all have experienced momentary rushes that cause us to believe we can do whatever it is we hope to accomplish, and make us feel as if we are worthy. We stop doubting ourselves in those moments even if only for those moments.

I’ve seen people on social media who appear to be uncomfortable with their own momentary self acceptance. They post “feeling cute” photos with captions that say something about how they’ll probably feel something less than cute later. This puzzled me at first. Why the need for a disclaimer? Were they afraid others would judge them for seeing themselves as attractive? Did feeling okay about their appearance feel too outside their norm?

I’ve heard other people complain that they act like doormats. They lament the fact that they allow too many people to walk all over them. These same people do stand up for themselves from time to time. Maybe it’s because they reach their limit with a particular person or maybe they too are feeling a rush of self worth in that moment.

I’ve also noticed how many people use filters on their own photos. They give themselves rounded Disney eyes and perfectly smooth skin. Maybe we’re using filters when we look inside ourselves too. Maybe those filters are not friendly. Maybe the fact that we are able to momentarily feel our self worth means we already have it. Maybe we just need to access it. Maybe it’s in there. Maybe we don’t see it or feel it because we’re looking at it through past experiences and current fears. Maybe those are our filters. Filters can get pretty corroded with gunk if you leave them in place too long. This can make them difficult to remove.

Maybe the next time you feel that rush of believing in yourself, of being certain that you are a good person who matters, you could take a minute and remind yourself that this is how you feel when you don’t apply any filters. You may not be ready to remove all your filters, but you can give them a little rinse. That might be enough to let more of the good stuff come through.

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Cinse Bonino

Cinse Bonino

Cinse, a former professor with a background in the psychology of human learning, writes nonstop, and is addicted to capturing the human experience in words.