Thank yous

I don’t keep tissues in the house. I use toilet paper. Currently there are partially used rolls all over my little home. I’m recovering from a pretty severe cold. This is unusual for me because I have a killer immune system. It’s been years since I’ve felt this poorly. I’m doing many helpful things for myself: drinking lots of green tea steeped with ground, dried, organic, orange rind, and other goodies; getting as much sleep as I can manage; doing lots of relaxing in front of Netflix or a good book; you get the idea. And, I’m lucky. I have a kind ex who is gifting some restaurant delivery to me and delightful neighbors who left a care package. I also don’t have a job I need to go to or anyone at home who is depending on me. I’m feeling very grateful because even though this cold feels as if it’s dragging on forever, I know that it’s progressing a lot faster for me than it does for many others. It’s not unusual for me to be grateful, but for the first time I find myself saying the words “thank you” out loud many times during the day. The first time I said them I noticed that the words came out on a peaceful exhale. It felt remarkably healing. Not feeling well has given me permission to focus most of my energy on getting better. It’s as if the energy that was previously allocated toward, let’s call them, outdated programs has been redirected. It’s not just my physical system that is healing. I believe being physically unwell or even overly tried is often a sign that we’re doing deep emotional or spiritual work at a deeper level, often at a subconscious level. Somehow all those audible thank yous are working as voice-activated passwords to the elevator that goes to some of the magical labs in my subbasement. Who knew.