The Skin You’re In

A friend and I were talking today about how “fitting the skin you’re in” has a slightly different meaning for women of a certain age. We often look more wrinkled if we lose too much weight. Many of us end up with deeply wrinkled skin not only on our faces but also on our arms, legs, and stomachs unless we’re at least a little overweight. The words “the skin I’m in” often refer to the conditions of one’s life, whether it’s what we have been born into or what we have borne due to the specific circumstances of our lives. We’re often told to develop a “thick skin” supposedly so we don’t take offense too easily. I have found that those who want us to have thicker skin usually either want permission to poke us, or they don’t want us to point out inequities that benefit them. What is skin in both its literal and metaphorical sense but a package that contains our essence? Literally, this is a very good thing. We all learned in grade school that skin holds our body together. It keeps what’s inside from spilling out. Metaphorically this isn’t always a good thing. Our acculturated emotional skin can end up separating our authentic selves from those around us. This is often a very or somewhat effective survival tool when we are young. It can however, become our default setting. Some of us may not be aware that we our covering up who we truly are in order to be accepted by others. When we are accepted for who we pretend to be, we are not accepted for who we are. The question is, which is more important to you: to be accepted for who you truly are, or to be accepted even if it is for a falsified version of who you are? We all get to choose for ourselves, but don’t mistake one choice for the other, and maybe figure out the cost and reward of each before you choose.

Cinse Bonino
2021