Virtually But Happily Uncertain

I don’t buy into the belief that we’re all living in a simulation, though sometimes I do think I see a haziness out of the corner of my eye that could be the edge of this reality. I could choose to think that the simulation theory is silly, ridiculous even, but what do I know? I mean who does know? Only the creator, whatever that means to you or the next person. I have noticed something that happens with frequency in my life that seems to somewhat fit the simulation theory. Just about every time I step up and do something I need to do, especially something I have been avoiding doing, I get rewarded. I got back into doing my stretching routine this morning. I got a return text I had been waiting for, an impromptu invitation to lunch, and a do-you-want-to-come-with-us inquiry for a day trip next week. I put off gathering the documentation for my tax accountant but as soon as I did one thing I almost magically found other documents I had forgotten about. Things just started clicking.

Does this mean that the game (the simulation) is rewarding me for doing what I am “supposed” to do? Or are things working out because I am walking on my “true” path? Or do things just look and feel better because I’m in a more positive mindset? Or is fate in a good mood at the moment?

Here’s the thing: I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. I’ll never know. What I do know is that I feel an ebb and a flow to my own life and to all of existence that surrounds me. Why is that? What is that exactly? Again, I do not know. And, I do not care.

What I do care about is being authentic to where I am in any given moment. Sometimes I procrastinate. Sometimes I forge ahead. Sometimes I saunter through life. I do what fits for me at that time. I also attempt to self correct when whatever I’m doing starts to feel “off” or out of step with where my head and heart are in that moment, or contrary to the core values I’ve established for myself. In short I do me. Not because someone will reward me or punish me if I don’t. I don’t let other people write my story. I don’t accept any scripted version of my life that I haven’t authored.

All I know is that somehow I ended up in this place and time. Mostly I like it here. I’ve always enjoyed exploring, but I’ve never been one for a guided tour. I like to find beauty and wonder on my own. Being lost is often a construct. Being certain is a rarity and often a mistake. This existence we’re currently inhabiting is a mystery. Yet some things do feel very known. Very right. Very able to connect to what’s coming next, to what I can already feel but not yet see. Maybe this life is a simulation or a game or a cosmic joke. I don’t know. Neither do you. We can say we do. We can believe we do. If it gives you comfort, go ahead believe whatever works for you. I’m cool with that. I’ll just be over here feeling my way forward, delighting in the joys I encounter, and learning as much as I can from any shitstorms I end up walking through or mistakenly creating. See you around.

Cinse Bonino
2023