Vomit-Inducing Advice

A post came across my feed the other day. It said, “Shine your light so others feel they can too.” I’m sure it sounds uplifting to many but reading it left a bad taste in my mouth. To me it sounded suspiciously like “You should smile more.” It would delight me if someone responded to witnessing my joy, my hope, or the shining of my inner light by connecting more with their own. However, I am not responsible for the choices others make. It is not my job to fix other people’s feelings. What I believe I should do is to be the best person I can be in whatever moment I am living. In my opinion there is a lot of doublespeak about “taking the high road” and “doing the right thing” these days. There’s nothing actually wrong with either of those pieces of advice, until there is. What if someone asks you to take the high road but what they really mean is for you to continue to be willing to be treated like a doormat? If that’s the case then “taking the highroad” is crap advice, because standing up for yourself is NOT taking the low road. I believe we should try to do “the right thing” but there is a difference between service and sacrifice. We can be of service without sacrificing. It’s not a sacrifice to give your time and money if you can afford to, or if you decide you can do with a little less in your life because others have even less than that. It is sacrifice if you ignore your own loved ones or even your own health — physical or mental — because others expect you to prove that you’re willing to do “the right thing”, which is of course whatever they say it is. Old sayings are being used in new ways. Manipulative ways. Shaming rather than encouraging ways. Words matter. The meaning behind words matters just as much if not more. Giving of your time, your energy, and your material resources should come from your heart. It should never be the cost to be counted among the so-called good.

Cinse Bonino
2022