Wait, What’s Different Here?

We don’t always know exactly what we are noticing, but we usually realize we are noticing something. Sometimes we look up and we’re sure something has changed but we don’t know what it is. This happened to me the other day in the co-op. I looked up at the organic produce section as I walked in and my brain told me it looked different. At first I didn’t know why. Then I realized there was more visual white space, more room between the containers of veggies. Then it hit me — the produce was in gray tubs instead of in the usual baskets. The tubs were not packed to almost overflowing the way the baskets often were. I realized that this would make closing down in preparation for the Labor Day holiday much easier. All of these thoughts buzzed through my head in what felt like a single instant. A staff member in the produce department stood and watched the expression on my face go from confused to “I get it”. I turned to her and said, “You could see my confusion couldn’t you?” She laughed and confirmed what I had figured out. This was a simple situation. Not emotional. My brain easily and efficiently let me know what I didn’t notice about what I was seeing. This happens in emotional situations too, but often we ignore what our brains are trying to tell us. People have patterns of behavior. Sometimes those patterns change. Sometimes the ratio of pleasant to unpleasant shifts. Sometimes people begin to reveal things about themselves, perhaps only in small ways, that they were previously hiding. If we are heavily invested in a particular relationship, be it with a lover, a friend, coworker, boss, or a family member, we may decide to “miss” the clues our brains send to us. We revert back to childhood, or more accurately infancy, when we giggled our way through peekaboo games because we had not yet developed object permanence. Pay attention. Notice what your brain tells you to notice. You’ll still get to choose how to act once you receive this information, that will not change. What will change is that now you will be making an informed decision, one that is based on what’s right in front of your face.

Cinse Bonino
2024