What’s brewing here?

I’m going to tell you a story, one that actually happened. It’s up to you to determine what motivated each person to do what they did. Actually, one of the people is me, but I’ll leave the other person nameless. Try not to victimize or villainize anyone in the story. I’m not going to suggest what you should think about what happens in this story. I’m not going to tell you who is right or wrong because it’s not that kind of story. It all started with a teapot, a gorgeous handmade teapot I bought from a potter on Etsy. A friend came over to visit. Her grown son was with her. I made a pot of Earl Grey because that’s her favorite. She neglected to hold onto the lid of the teapot as she was pouring herself a second cup. It fell to the table, cracking the knob sticking up in its center. She became quite upset. I told her it wasn’t a problem, that I would just use my heavy-duty metallic pen and paint the top of the now angled knob gold. I wasn’t being polite. I meant what I said. She insisted that she would take the lid with her and repair it. She said she had really good glue. I told her not to worry, that if I wanted it to be glued I could do it myself because I also had good glue. She seemed to imply that she could fix it much better than I could. She became quite upset and continued to passionately insist over and over again that she was going to take it with her and repair it. I finally gave in, mostly because her son was there and I didn’t want her to continue to be so upset in front of him. It’s pertinent to note this was a friend who had demonstrated a habit of misplacing or losing things that I left at her house. She also took a long time to do things because she took on quite a lot in her life. Months later, when I was helping her with something at her house, she proudly pulled out the teapot lid showing me how she had glued it. She also showed me the nail polish that she had found in exactly the right shade to touch up the hairline crack that remained after the gluing. I thanked her. She really had done a lovely job even if I hadn’t wanted her to do in the first place. She appeared to be disappointed that I hadn’t made a bigger fuss about her repair job. I knew fixing it was her way of making amends even though I didn’t need or expect that from her. I also noticed that she didn’t seem concerned about what I wanted at all. It felt almost as if someone who had bullied me and then apologized became upset when I didn’t applaud their apology. I realized that I had given up my agency, something I seldom do. I wondered if it was because her behavior wiggled memories of how my mother had treated me, or if I just didn’t want to have her be upset at me. I know the conclusions I came to, but I’m not going to share them here because I’m hoping you’ll come up with your own.

Cinse Bonino
2024