What’s in your (emotional) wardrobe?

A lot has been written about emotional baggage. We all carry it. Some of us have managed to create a small matched set. Others have done the work to pare down to one small carryon, but some still drag multiple steamer trunks wherever they go. But this is not about that. Well… not directly about that. Our emotional wardrobe is what we choose to wear in order to survive the residue from our emotional baggage. Maybe we’ve learned some valuable lessons from our baggage or maybe we’ve turned all of it or portions of it into the gift that keeps on giving. Not in a good way. So, we try to dress for success. Our definitions of success vary widely in this instance. Some of us use our emotional wardrobe to make us successful at hiding our pain from others and maybe from ourselves. Or perhaps we define success as the ability to disguise who we are so if others end up hurting us they’ll only be hurting a false version of us. Not the “real” us. Maybe we use our wardrobe to successfully pass as someone who doesn’t have any baggage or who isn’t afraid of not being accepted. Here are a few examples of some of the items we sometimes have in our emotional wardrobe.

An invisibility cloak — this helps us to disappear when we don’t want to be seen when difficult questions or situations threaten to arise. Side effects may include silencing our own voice and the onset of temporary but persistent paralysis of our courage muscles.

High heels or a top hat — these help us to feel bigger than we actually are or perceive ourselves to be. Sometimes it’s just false bravado but other times these pieces from our wardrobe help us learn to act as if our courage is real. Side effects may include increased confidence or emotional crashing when these items are removed.

The boa of distraction — this item draws people’s attention away from the true contours of our emotional reality. It works as an initial focal point and then can be wielded to redirect anyone’s attention who gets too close to our truth. Side effects may include a decrease in authenticity or confusion about one’s actual identity.

You get the idea. What’s in your closet?